I work with people who have been zapped repeatedly in their attempts to have a good relationship with their partner. I don’t teach them how to escape the fence–I teach them how to turn it off.
What stands between you and a good relationship is not your partner, but some combination of your partner’s emotions and behaviors. They are as much a barrier for your partner as for you. They are hurting your partner, too.
I have been helping distressed partners and couples to turn off the electric fences of anger, control, worry, negativity, depression, PTSD, abuse, addiction, and mistrust for the past 16 years. I have trained counseling students, and worked as a specialist for the US Navy–helping marines, sailors, and their partners to emotionally reconnect, even after the trauma of war has taken its toll.
There is no barrier to your relationship that can’t be turned off or taken down.