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Finally...A self-help book for women with really difficult partners!

What to Do When He Won't Change book

What to Do When He Won't Change

 

A Guide for Men and Women Who Want to Emotionally Reconnect with Their Spouse

Connecting Through Yes! book

Connecting Through “Yes!”

 

Why Positive Thinking is Good for Your Relationships

Starting today, you can naturally start to attract more people and opportunities into your life with positive thinking.

 

 

candy heartsAre you sending out the right messages?

As far as people go, like attracts like. Being positive will attract other positive people. It will also create more opportunities in your life, because positive people are less fearful of trying new things and also are more optimistic about their ability to change. So, they are continuously working on their life, all the while believing that they can. And, while they don't succeed at everything, they succeed often enough to maintain their positive outlook.

Are you missing out on relationships by being a complainer?

Birds of a feather do flock together (and tend to see other birds as idiots).  These negative birds treat each other well and complain about other people.  One of the tests for whether someone is a positive or a negative person is by how much they complain (about anything) and by how much their friends complain. Do you have a habit of complaining about things? Have you ever thought about whether complaining helps you or hurts you? When we complain, we point out something bad to ourselves or to other people and ourselves. It contributes to negativity. You sure wouldn't do it on a date or in a job interview, would you? And why not?--because it would create a bad impression...of you. No matter how much you have to complain about, you are not going to be a people magnet if you do.

Are you missed by others?

Another test is by how much they are missed and favorably remembered by others.  Negative people tend not to be missed.  Because most people don't see themselves as negative, it is only by reflecting on these things that they can begin to see.  Do you think your former employers, coworkers, friends, and even ex boyfriends or girlfriends remember you positively or miss you? I know I miss some positive friends and coworkers from the past. But, I don't miss any of the negative ones. I also remember my old girlfriends fondly (except for a couple of negative ones, that is).

 

Learning to Think Positively

Forget techniques

Being positive is not a technique.  It is the result of a decision to see all problems as challenges rather than obstacles, a belief in your ability to succeed, and a genuine interest in other people.  False cheerfulness is a hollow substitute for positivity.  Many people who cheerfully greet you are, in fact, not positive people.  Often, you can feel that, even though you can't put a finger on why. Used car salespeople are not natural people magnets.

How will people know?

If you are a positive person, other people can see it in your expressions, hear it in your tone of voice, and your choice of words and topics (you talk about the glass being half full rather than half empty). They see it in the way you walk, and it brings a light to your eyes.  It takes the subconscious only a split second to pick up on such cues.  You can get along with others by being friendly.  But, you can attract people by being positive.

How can I create a quality that I don't yet have (being positive)?

If you are not yet a positive person, becoming naturally positive is possible (just as it was for Scrooge).  You don't need to be visited by three ghosts, although that would be helpful.  Becoming positive is an inner transformation.  You have be willing to give up self pity, envy, worry, and blame.  Positive people don't do that. And, you can't have it both ways.

To make this change, you can do these four things:

  1. Learn to manage ALL of your problems.  Everyone has problems.  From the poorest to the richest; from the most miserable person to the most positive person.  The major difference is how those problems are considered.  There is not a solution to every problem, but there is a helpful response to every problem. While some of my clients are learning to solve their problems, others are learning how to have helpful responses to problems created by others. Both lead to better relationships. 

  2. Find ways to help other people.  Start with your family, expand to your friends, acquaintances, and then on to strangers.  Helping people creates a genuine interest in others, puts your own problems in perspective, and brings many returns on the time and money invested. When my clients start with me, they often feel unappreciated by their partners although they are working hard for them. By paying attention to what is important to their partner, they can often work less hard, while giving more of what their partner really wants.

  3. Have a set of goals for your life.  Goals give our life meaning and keep us looking forward rather than back.  They motivate us to get up in the morning, get along with other people, and help us to stay focused on what is really important to us.  The accomplishment of goals grows our belief in ourselves and our abilities. Many people need to have some kind of systematic approach to setting goals. Those that have this make more progress in a year than most people make in three. Doubling your income and having an intimate relationship happen more quickly with goals and a step by step approach.

  4. Make a written list of all of the benefits you would gain if you were such a positive person.  How much more would your family like you?  How important would you become to them? How about your friends?  Other people you meet?  How much better would you enjoy your life?  How much better would you feel about yourself? If you could respond to your partner and others in ways that make them want to be with you, how much better would that make your life, for you?

 

Become Successful

You have to feel successful to be successful

Is it possible to be negative and successful? We can be negative and rich.  We can be negative and have friends.  We can be negative and have a relationship.  But, without being positive, we can't be successful because our minds will always drift to what is wrong or what could go wrong.  Success can only be counted by those who can feel it.

Being positive is good for business

Had I been working with Scrooge, I would have helped him to see how being positive was good business.  He loved business and making a profit.  Nothing is wrong with that.  But, by being tightfisted with his love, he got only tuppence when he could have gotten pounds.  He had a cold meal by a small fire when he could have had a big meal with the warmth of friendship.  Fortunately, for him, the "relationship coach" ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future were there to help him out.

You can be the kind of person who you would like

What I am telling you is that thinking positively involves both a transformation in thought and behavior.  We transform ourselves when we make good goals and then become the kind of person we will be once our goals are achieved.  When we want to marry a prince, then first we must become a princess.  When we want to have companionship, then we need to first become a companion.  When we want love, we must first give love. We must always plant before we can harvest.

If you are having trouble being positive because you are in a difficult relationship, then we can make things better, so you can be positive again.

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