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Finally...A self-help book for women with really difficult husbands they love

What to Do When He Won't Change book

What to Do When He Won't Change

 

A Book for Men and Women Who Want to Stop Fighting and Start Loving their Spouse

Connecting Through Yes! book

Connecting Through “Yes!”

 

Why Stay Married?

The Right Questions Will Help You to Get the Right Answers

I for one would not want to have a bad marriage. I have never encouraged anyone to endure a bad marriage. But, I have never recommended divorce. So what is left? Looking at the possibility of whether it's possible to have a good marriage. Answering that question will take care of all the other questions.

 

Ask yourself the following questions for creating a clear mind and a positive future

Example: What wives commonly want is to be able to talk about thoughts and feelings while being accepted by their husbands. They want to have enjoyable sex and to plan things together. They want to feel important. They want to change their daily routine.

Example: What husbands commonly want is to be able to talk about thoughts and feelings while being accepted by their wives. They want to have enjoyable sex and to do things together. They want to feel important. They want to change their daily routine.

The number one answer for "Why stay married?" is because our spouses need our help. And it's right and good to do our best to help before deciding to leave. They need our help in order not to continue some kind of distant or damaging behavior, and in order not to have a pattern of failed relationships. Additionally, when we help them, we also get what we want. Our relationship changes from a lose-lose to a win-win.

If you are not so scared of losing your relationship, you are actually in a much better position to make it better. Because, ironically, men and women who desperately need their relationship are afraid of separation or divorce. They alternate between complaining and backing off in order to prevent separation. This is the neediness cycle. People who are not afraid of separation or divorce are the ones in the best position to improve their marriage. They are willing to do the tough, but loving, things that are required to rescue the relationship.

If you should have made a stand a long time ago, it is not too late. You will probably need guidance doing that so that you have a balance between tough and loving. Also, it is very helpful to know how to open up the communication and deal with your spouse's attempts to continue to avoid the very thing that he or she needs to talk about.

In my work with men and women we have three levels of work that we do to resuscitate a dying relationship. They are the same three levels that I talk about in my book, What to Do When He Won't Change. We get honest. We get respect. And we get cooperation. Only when we have those can we build intimacy. Many men and women make the mistake of trying to create intimacy first. When that doesn't work, they assume that it's not possible. But the truth is, they just put intimacy before respect.

If it were possible to restore love between you and your spouse, would you be willing to learn to do that? At this point, that is the most important question of all because there is a way to do that. I have never known anyone to regret learning to do that. My clients are learning and doing that. They tell me that they feel “empowered” and typically get improvement within two weeks of their first sessin with me.

You might also be interested in:

Win-Win Relationship Coaching: Restoring Love with Difficult Partners

“Positive Connections” Couple's Coaching Package