About Marriage and Relationship Coach Jack Ito PhD
Why coach with me?
The most common comment I get from my clients is that I am not like any of the coaches or counselors that they have worked with before. I don’t try to be. Most relationship coaches operate on the idea that you have all of the answers already inside of you. Then, by using the right questions, they try to help you to pull those answers out. I was trained that way too, and I think it is BS. Most of my clients don’t have a clue as to what to do and the answer is not hiding inside of them anywhere.
Although I am a psychologist, trained in coaching, my coaching is based on the business model of coaching. According to that model, I have a few tasks to achieve. First, I need to clarify the goals my clients are trying to achieve. Secondly, I need to help my clients to determine the steps that will help them to reach their goals. And, thirdly, I train them in those steps. I don’t assume my clients have any answers, but that they do know what they want to achieve.
My coaching is not for figuring out what you want, for talking about your family history, or for struggling with your emotions. You can go to another coach or to a counselor for that. My priority is also not to make sure that you enjoy your coaching.
My priority is helping you to reach your goals. If that means you need to face some tough truths and do some tough things, then so be it.
As far as I’m concerned, I don’t work for you. I work for God. That means that I do my best, with my skills and His wisdom to help you. It does not matter to me if you are red, yellow, black, or white; Muslim, Jew, Christian, atheist, or any other thing. That does not change my job, which is to help you to learn how to love and create love in ways that are consistent with my belief system. That means that I won’t help you to lie, cheat, or hurt others.
By the way, every coach or counselor helps you according to their belief system. There is no such thing as value free coaching or counseling. They will be religious or secular, liberal or conservative, pro-family or pro-individual, pro-talk or pro-action. Define your priorities and then find the coach that will help you meet them.
What do I do?
Just saying that I do marriage and relationship coaching to help people save their relationships doesn’t tell you much.
Here is what I actually do:
- teach skills for maintaining a relationship. (It won’t do you any good to reconcile if you don’t know how to keep your spouse).
- teach people how to re-attract their spouse. (Most people are so focused on trying to persuade their spouse that they don’ realize how unattractive that makes them).
- train people to stop their own needy and damaging behaviors. (Most people want to change their spouse’s damaging behaviors without changing their own. That doesn’t work).
- train people how to make their spouse feel loved and important. (That is what everyone wants to feel. If you don’t make your spouse feel that way, your spouse would rather be with someone that did).
- train people to used good boundaries, to stop bad behavior, rather than complaining about it. (You may be able to get your spouse to suppress his or her bad behavior, temporarily, by complaining about it. But, you won’t really change it that way).
- train people in connection skills so that their spouse will want to be with them. (If your spouse does not like being with you, your spouse is not going to be with you).
- Here is what my clients say about me.
The psychological benefits of learning skills:
- You can face your day with a plan rather than just a hope.
- You can go to sleep with answers to the “what if’s“ that keep you awake.
- Your relationship will depend on what you do and not on what your spouse does.
- You can enjoy your life more by being a more rounded person (not over-, or under-focused on your spouse).
- You can feel that you truly did your best–no matter the outcome.
What? You still want to know about me?
- I got saved at age 14 and later went to seminary for 5 years.
- I am married, with two grown children (sons).
- My wife is a relationship coach and we have an excellent marriage.
- I started out a needy, messed up person, just like everyone else.
- I live in Georgia, USA.
- We have a golden retriever, named Cindy, who is our sweetest child.
- I am politically and religiously conservative, pro-life, and support the constitution. It is not my job to judge anyone. It is my job to love them, no matter who they are.
- (If these things make you go “Yuck,“ then don’t sign up with me, please).
- Birthplace: Vermont, USA
- 1985 Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, St. Michael’s College, Colchester, Vermont
- 1988 Master of Arts in Psychology, East Tennessee State University, Johnson City, Tennessee
- 1993 Master of Arts in Theology, Fuller Theological Seminary, Graduate School of Theology, Pasadena, California
- 1994 Doctor of Philosophy in Clinical Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary, Graduate School of Psychology, Pasadena, California
- Undergraduate and Graduate Professor of Psychology at Geneva College, Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania
- Director Olive Branch Counseling Services, Chippewa, Pennsylvania
- Post Traumatic Stress Specialist, United States Navy, Bremerton, Washington, and 29 Palms, California
- Graduate MentorCoach Certified Coaching Program
- Publications: What to Do When He Won’t Change (2011)
- Coaching Specialties: Fostering Intimacy in Severely Damaged Marriages and Committed Relationships
- Coaching Venues: Individuals and Couples
- Author of Therapy Beyond All Expectations, What to Do When He Won’t Change, Connecting though “Yes!”, and Overcome Neediness and Get the Love You Want.