Relationship Coach Blog

What do you think would happen if you started being totally honest with everyone?  Most people would say that this would be social suicide.  That if we really told people what we think of them and what we want, either they would feel rejected or they would reject us, or both.  If this is the case, then why do people say that they want their partner to be honest with them?  Isn’t that dangerous for the relationship—a kind of relationship suicide?

There are actually ways to increase honesty without damaging relationships.  The Bible gives the biggest clue about how to do this, “Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).”  The way to do this is to use the truth not as a weapon to hurt people, nor as a way to just give information, but as a way to build people up.  If we do that, the truth will build the relationship rather than destroy it. 

For example, you say to your partner, “I don’t love you anymore.”  Like an arrow to the heart the result will be pain and distance.  It may be the truth, but it is not said in love (no matter how softly you say it).  On the other hand, if you say, “I don’t have feelings of love for you like I used to, but I want to, and I think there are things that we both can do to feel closer to each other,” you have told the truth, but in a way that offers hope rather than destroys it.  If you just say nothing at all, then the relationship will just continue to detiorate, although you may temporarily spare feelings.

Are there things that you need to say to your partner but know they would cause conflict?  Take some time to practice making them honest statements of love.