Relationship Coach Blog

Is honesty always a good thing? Is it good to be honest with yourself?  It may surprise you to know that the answer is, “it depends.”  Honesty is not always a good thing.  This does not mean that lying is a good thing, however.  Lying is always bad.  Honesty is sometimes bad.  The important thing is not to find a good way to lie, but rather a way to make honesty a good thing.

To make honesty a good thing, it needs to be constructive rather than destructive.  This goes for being honest with ourselves as much as it goes for being honest with others.  For example, if you say, honestly to yourself, “I stink at making friends,” and leave it at that, it will be destructive rather than constructive.  It will reinforce your negative self-image and make it even less likely that you will try to make friends in the future.

However, just by modifying this statement a little, it can be both honest and positive. For example, “I stink at making friends, but I can learn to do things that will give me more success making friends.”  You can make it even more positive by adding some benefits of positive change-”I can have people to talk to and do fun things with, like going shopping or to the movies.”

Compare:

1)  “I stink at making friends.”

2)  “I stink at making friends, but I can learn to do things that will give me more success making friends.  Then, I can have people to talk to and do fun things with like going shopping or to the movies.”

Both statements 1 and 2 are honest.  Which would help you to be more successful?

Today, watch the way you think about yourself. Verbalize these thoughts aloud and be sure they are both honest and constructive.  Then, you will be motivated to have more success.

Your next step will be to get the skills you need to be more successful.  One good way to do that is by having your own relationship coach.