Relationship Coach Blog

There were things that made sense to me as a child that made no sense when I became an adult. For example, as a child, it made sense that batman could make a dehydrated utility belt.  All he needed was a glass of water and “poof,” a pill sized utility belt expanded to normal size, complete with bat-a-rang, amnesia spray, and other nifty gadgets.  (This was in one episode of the old Batman and Robin TV series).

There were also things that made sense to me in my early relationships that no longer make sense to me.  For example, I remember a heated argument that I had with a girlfriend over the right way to open a mustard container.  I also thought that being a good communicator meant being good at talking, and that the best way to end conflict was to prove that I was right.

Some things I believed because of my application of logical thought. That’s how I came to the conclusion that pineapples grow on trees (they don’t).  Other false beliefs I had came from the teachings of equally ignorant people.  That’s why I believed that Marco Polo brought spaghetti back from China to Italy and that if something was written in the newspaper that it must be true.

Some of those beliefs really didn’t make a difference and still don’t. Whether or not George Washington cut down his father’s cherry tree makes no difference to me.  Some of those beliefs, though, really hurt my relationships.  Like other people in midlife, I can say, “If I knew then what I know now…”.

I still don’t know how many of the things that I “know” are really true, but I have learned many important truths about relationships that I would like to pass along to you.  You can know whether they are true or not by testing them out for yourself.  I have found experience to be a better teacher of truth than my reasoning or other people’s reasoning.

Some truths about relationships:

• Jealousy is only harmful, not helpful.
• It is not important to be right.
• Respect must be earned.
• Love must be given.
• “Yes,” is more powerful than “no”.
• Conflict does not mean fighting.
• Real hope is based on evidence.
• Wishing is a poor substitute for action.
• My problems are not caused by other people.
• Trying to change other people makes things worse.
• Insecurities are at the root of all relationship damaging behaviors.
• Rules can be changed.
• You cannot argue your way to a better relationship.
• Life is short (also applies to other things besides relationships)
• Agreement is the basis of communication.
• Trying to control others is a way to lose control.

I could go on some more, but I won’t.  Be careful what you believe. Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean it’s true.  Use the test of experience.

Working with a relationship coach is a good way to make the change from methods you think should work to methods that actually work.