Relationship Coach Blog

“When there is some characteristic about that person that you find unacceptable.”

I don’t mean when there is something about that person that you don’t like.  You will never like everything about a person unless you don’t know him or her very well.

There is nothing inherent in a long term relationship that tends to change unacceptable features.  In fact, when you commit to a long term relationship with someone who has an unacceptable characteristic, you greatly reduce the chance that characteristic will change.  In many cases, it will only get worse.

The most foolish people are the ones who commit to a long term relationship on the condition that their partner intends to or promises to change or is very sincere.  Neither intentions nor promises nor sincerity help a person to change.  Only actions do.  Those actions need to be taken before you commit to the person.

How can you know if a person has really changed? Time in the presence of opportunity.  Three months minimum.  If someone has changed only because their circumstances did not allow them to do the behavior (e.g., being in prison, being deployed in the military, etc.), then they have not changed.

I have spelled it out for you.  If you don’t like what you hear, then you can say, “reality bites,” but it is reality that you need to deal with if you want to have long term happiness in your life.

Need more specific help?  Let’s talk about it.