Do want to wait until your relationship is over before you try to save it?
“Dear Relationship Coach,
“My wife has separated from me and says she is no longer interested in our marriage. Our relationship has been getting worse over the past five years, but I never thought it would come to this. I am trying to convince her to give the relationship one more chance and that we should go to counseling and work things out. But, she says she doesn’t love me anymore and that there is no way that she is going to. What can I do to get her to change her mind?”
Would you believe that this is a common question that I receive? Although the man knew that his relationship was getting progressively worse for the past five years, it is only now, after his wife has left him, that he is seeking help. And, he is not wanting to know how he can change and be the kind of man that his wife wants him to be, but rather he is wanting to know how he can change his wife-change her thinking, so that she will stay in this marriage.
If your marriage is getting worse and you know it, this may be you in a few years or even a few months, whether you are a man or a woman. Will you wish then that you had done something about it earlier? Are you willing to work on changing yourself now for the sake of the marriage and your relationship rather than trying to change your husband or wife when they decide to leave you?
If you are married, the chance of divorce for you is about 50%. If you are single and in a relationship, your chances of losing that relationship are MUCH higher. You are far more likely to break up than stay together.
The best protection for your marriage or relationship is to learn to be a great partner and also know how to earn respect. You will then be a very valuable person for your partner. You will not be subservient, but will have good boundaries. Being a great partner has nothing to do with being a doormat. Also, working on your relationship has NOTHING to do with changing your partner, but rather with changing yourself. If you are willing to do that and do that now, then you may not be writing me this kind of letter later.
Saving a relationship is like putting out a fire in a burning building. The sooner you do it, the less work it will take, the less expense it will be, and the less rebuilding will need to be done. Work with a relationship coach now or work with a lawyer later. (Hint: A relationship coach is MUCH cheaper and MUCH more enjoyable).
Posted: February 7th, 2009 under Help for Singles, Improving Relationships, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching.
Tags: divorce, Relationship Conflict, respect, responsibility