Do you need to do something just because your spouse wants you to?
This reminds me of the trite question that parents make to teens about whether they would jump off a bridge just because their friends wanted them to.
If your husband or wife wants you to do something that sounds crazy, weird, or dangerous, I would not recommend that you automatically disagree. To cut someone off after a suggestion or request would leave you without some important information.
Instead, I would recommend you to ask the following question after such a request-”How would that be good for us?” Even though you may have good reasons not to do a thing that your spouse didn’t think of, first hear your spouse out. What you may discover is that the reasons for the suggestion are actually positive. For example, they may have to do with having more fun in the relationship or becoming closer, even though you don’t like the method.
Then, knowing your spouse’s motivation, you are in a position to offer another, more acceptable suggestion for achieving the same results. On the other hand, hearing your spouse’s motivations may actually encourage to try something a little out of the norm for you.
Listening for the motivation in the message is one of many communication skills that you can learn from your relationship coach.
Posted: November 30th, 2008 under Relationship Coaching, Relationship Communication, Relationship Skills.
Tags: handling differences