Relationship Coach Blog

Quicksand is horrible stuff to some of those who are unfortunate enough to fall into it. I say “some” because for others it is only an inconvenience.  How can it be a horror for some and only an inconvenience for others?  It is a horror for those who don’t know how to get out of it.  They struggle and the more they struggle, the more they sink.  Those who know how to get out of it, though, gradually work their way out.

Now, suppose that you fall into quicksand and you don’t know how to get out.  Would you try to get out even though you don’t know how?  Of course!  Who wants to drown in sand?  It would make you feel very stupid to die this way.  So, you would struggle and die anyhow.  Now, suppose that you were able to use your cell phone in this situation (and you actually had a good connection!).  Who would you call?

Would you like to call a loved one to say goodbye? Would you try to find out what is showing at the movies later on that night?  Would you call your boss to let him know what you actually think of him while you still have the chance?  Would you call your friend to complain about your situation and to get some advice?  If your friends are like mine, they are clueless about quicksand.  Likely, they would give me sympathy or take the chance to tell me what they really think of me!

My advice for who to call? Emergency services.  Someone who knows how to deal with quicksand can talk you through extracting yourself.

Now, what if you are in relationship quicksand? Your relationship is slowly getting worse and worse.  What is going to be the most helpful way to stop sinking and save your relationship?  The usual route is to try to figure a way out by oneself, struggle as both partners are going under, and later leave nothing to be seen but a pair of rings floating on top of the sand.

Melodramatic?  Overdone?  With a 50% divorce rate and a 90% breakup rate for unmarried couples, I don’t think so.  Most people do go down in the relationship quicksand.

If you are in relationship quicksand, then stop struggling. Struggling accomplishes nothing except to make your situation worse.  Typical ways to struggle are to nag, blame, coerce, ignore and avoid one’s partner with brief breaks in between to read a self help book or online column.  When the sand is only up to your knees, you may think this will actually work.  But, when the sand is up to your chest, it is time (maybe your last chance) to do the only effective thing.

An emergency service for a relationship is counseling or relationship coaching. Depending on your situation, one or the other will be more appropriate.  What would be the most helpful thing for you to do right now to save your relationship?

6 Steps to Saving Your Relationship