Relationship Coach Blog

If life is short and love is free, then why are so many people so lonely? Why is it that many people have to struggle just to get scraps of love-even though they are married or in committed relationships?  Why do other people get love so easily even when they don’t work half as hard or care half as much?  It really seems so unfair.

There is a maxim that hard work and a great relationship go hand in hand. This, however, is just as much a fallacy as the belief that working hard at your job will make you rich.  There are many people who work all day long yet are dirt poor.  People often want to believe these things because they lend hope to the poor while at the same time blaming them for their misery.

Real wealth in love or money is not created by hard work. We don’t have to look very far to see plenty of evidence that this is the case.  It is time for better wisdom and a dose of reality.

Working hard doing ineffective things contributes to our lack of success.  If I think the best way to strengthen my relationship is to make more money for our family, then I will do that.  But, if I can see that making more money and working harder at my job is not strengthening my family, then I need to stop.  To reevaluate.  To find a better way.

The same could be said of anything we work hard at. If it is not getting us what we want, then it is not effective.  It is a false belief.  Working harder won’t make it true.   We need to be willing to let it go-even if we have put years of sweat into it-if it is not getting us what we want.

We must shift our focus to things that really make a difference for us, in our relationships, no matter what we have learned in all the years previously.

Coaches do not help people to work harder at their relationship. They help people to determine what is important to them, and what steps would be effective in getting that.

To get what you want from your relationship:

1) Do what matters.  If you don’t know, then learn.  And,

2)  Let everything else go.  If you don’t know how, then learn.

If you think this is incredibly simplistic, then I would guess you have never tried it.  But you need to.  If you think this is too difficult, then I would guess that you have not gotten the appropriate help.  But you need it.

As a relationship coach, I help people every day to get in touch with this basic reality and to start getting what they want.  May I help you too?