Endless patterns
Does it ever seem to you like you are caught in some kind of life loop that you just can’t escape? It’s not simply a feeling of déjà vu, but the sure knowledge that you have repeated a behavior pattern over and over.
Examples of relationship behaviors that make people feel this way are arguing, avoiding, sulking, making promises and lying, hearing and accepting promises that are rarely kept, saying “someday.”
People only feel caught like this for unpleasant things. The pleasant behaviors that we do again and again do not make us feel trapped. Not only that, but the behaviors that make us feel trapped are ineffective, while the pleasant behaviors are effective. That is, they produce good results in our relationships.
To get out of the trap, we must not only stop doing these repetitive behaviors, but we must replace them with effective ones. A behavior that is merely suppressed, without being replaced, will soon return with a vengeance. When it does, we will feel more trapped than ever.
A relationship coach can help you to identify destructive patterns as well as effective replacement behaviors. You can practice together and get troubleshooting as you need it until you become an effective person.
Posted: April 24th, 2009 under Improving Relationships, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching.
Tags: change, changing, stuck, unstuck