Relationship Coach Blog

Are you a positive person? Becoming more positive will act as a people magnet for other positive people.  It will also attract people who want to be more positive, but who are not (you have what they want).  People who are habitually negative with no intent to change (e.g. the Ebenezer Scrooge) will be repelled by positive people.

On the other hand, when you are negative, you will repel both people who are positive and who want to be positive, while attracting other negative people.  Birds of a feather do flock together (and tend to see other birds as idiots). How much of your life have you already wasted by not being positive?  How much do the people who were in your life earlier miss you now?  A lot?  A little?  Maybe not at all?  You can change.

Being positive is not a technique.  It is the result of a decision to see all problems as challenges rather than obstacles, a belief in your ability to succeed, and a genuine interest in other people.  False cheerfulness is a hollow substitute for positivity.  Many people who cheerfully greet you are, in fact, not positive people.  Often, you can feel that, even though you can’t put a finger on why.

If you are a positive person, other people can see it in your expressions, hear it in your tone, your choice of words and topics (you talk about the glass being half full rather than half empty). They see it in the way you walk, and it brings a light to your eyes.  It takes the subconscious only a split second to pick up on such cues.  You can get along with others by being friendly.  But, you can attract people by being positive.

If you are not yet a positive person, becoming positive is possible (just as it was for Scrooge).  You won’t need to be visited by three ghosts, although that would be helpful.  Becoming positive is an inner transformation.  We will have to give up self pity, envy, worry, and blame.  Those are the bitter pills that upset our minds and poison our relationships. To accomplish that, we can do these four things:

1. Learn to manage all of your problems.  Everyone has problems.  From the poorest to the richest; from the most miserable person to the most positive person.  The major difference is how those problems are considered.  Not every problem can be solved, but all problems can be managed.  Mentally and physically.  We learn to manage problems from others who have already managed them.  Life is too short to learn by trial and error.
2. Find ways to help other people.  Start with your family, expand to your friends, acquaintances, and then on to strangers.  Helping people creates a genuine interest in them, puts your own problems in perspective, and brings many returns on the time and money invested.
3. Have a set of goals for your life.  Goals give our life meaning and keep us looking forward rather than back.  They motivate us to get up in the morning, get along with other people, and help us to stay focused on what is really important to us.  The accomplishment of goals grows our belief in ourselves and our abilities.
4. Make a list of all of the benefits you would gain if you were such a positive person.  How much more would your family be attracted to you?  How important would you become to them? How about your friends?  Other people you will meet?  How much better would you enjoy your life?  How much better would feel about yourself?

Is it possible to be negative and successful? We can be negative and rich.  We can be negative and have friends.  We can be negative and have a relationship.  But, without being positive, we can’t be successful because our minds will always drift to what is wrong or what could go wrong.  Success can only be counted by those who can feel it.

Had I been working with Scrooge, I would have helped him to see how being positive was good business.  He loved business and making a profit.  Nothing is wrong with that.  But, by being tightfisted with his love, he got only tuppence when he could have gotten pounds.  He had a cold meal by a small fire when he could have had a big meal with the warmth of friendship.  Fortunately, for him, the “relationship coach” ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future were there to help him out.

What I am telling you is that becoming a positive person involves a transformation in thought as well as behavior.  We transform ourselves when we make good goals and then become the kind of person we will be once our goals are achieved.  When we want to marry a prince, then first we must become a princess.  When we want to have companionship, then we need to first become a companion.  When we want love, we must first give love.

If you are waiting for anyone in your life to make the first move so that you can make the second– stop.  Work with me and I will help you to make the first move.  We will leave waiting and hoping in a bag by the woodpile where they belong.