Improve your listening skills
1. Match your behavior to the seriousness of the speaker. The more serious the conversations, the greater focus is required. When your partner says something serious, stop whatever you are doing. If you are driving, pull off somewhere.
2. Look at the person who is talking, making occasional eye contact.
3. Occasionally summarize what the person is saying, especially for important or complicated statements. This means:
- In your own words (not parroting)
- Without adding any new information
- Without asking any questions
Example: Susie tells you she wants to buy a new sofa because she feels embarrassed whenever guests visit the house. Which of the following responses would show that you are listening?
1. “We don’t have guests very often and when we do, they can sit on chairs.”
2. “You don’t like our couch and you would like to get a new one. Is that right?”
3. “Where are we supposed to get the money for a new couch?”
4. “I think that trying to impress guests is just a way of being phony. I remember when my mother….”
#1 is problem solving, not listening.
#2 is good listening. It adds no more to what Susie is saying. It doesn’t indicate agreement or disagreement, just that you are listening.
#3 is asking questions which change the focus of what Susie is saying
#4 is taking over the conversation, not listening.
When do you get a chance to talk? When your partner is done. Talking while listening is like drinking water while singing. The end result is neither melodic nor satisfying.
Listening is a skill. The better you listen, the more attractive you will be. The flower which has no more pollen will no longer attract the bee.
See a list of Relationship skills. How many do you have?
Posted: December 16th, 2009 under Improving Relationships, Life Coach, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Communication, Relationship Issues, Relationship Skills.
Tags: attractiveness, communication, listening