If things do not change, what will happen to your relationship?
One of the most powerful questions that I ask to individuals or couples is what they imagine will happen if things do not change. Whatever they imagine will happen is what their mind is currently working on making happen.
Although we may say that we want something better or different, our mind does not begin to actually work on these changes until we can imagine the end result. We cannot achieve what we cannot conceive.
The mountain climber must be able to imagine he can reach the top of the mountain, not just that it would be nice to reach the top. Most of us get caught in the “it would be nice,” way of thinking. “It would be nice,” is dead end thinking.
“It would be nice to have a romantic relationship with my partner,” is different from “I can have a romantic relationship with my partner and this is what it would look like …” When we clearly imagine what it could be like (whether bad or good), our mind will get to work on it.
What do you imagine about your relationship? What is your mind working on making happen? Can you imagine something really good for your relationship and let your mind start working on how to make it happen?
Posted: August 31st, 2008 under Improving Relationships, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Skills.
Tags: Conflict, goals