Receiving complaints from your husband or wife in a good way
Are you brave enough to ask your spouse how he or she would like to see you grow? Is your spouse brave enough to answer that question? In a strong relationship, there is little need for bravery with such a question. In a bad relationship, people are so much on the defense that they have a very hard time even with a small suggestion.
Most often, there is a really good suggestion contained within our spouse’s “suggestions” for us, even when they are put to us in a bad way. If we really want to grow, then we will stop focusing all of our energy on defending ourselves and spend a little more energy looking for the nugget of truth.
If your spouse does not have good skills for making positive requests, you can set up a little “complaint converter” in your mind. If, for example, your spouse says something like, “Living with you is such a bore,” you can convert this in your own mind to a positive request. In this case, the complaint becomes, “I really want to do more fun and interesting things with you.” It’s not the way your husband or wife said it to you, but it is a large part of the meaning of what was said.
You will never argue your way to good relationship, but by learning handle complaints in a productive way, you can make your relationship better. Practice this skill with your relationship coach this week.
Posted: November 29th, 2008 under Improving Relationships, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Communication, Relationship Conflict, Relationship Skills.
Tags: complaints, nagging