Relationship Coach Blog

Are there times when we should break up?  That question is a little like asking are there times when skiing that we should break a leg?

Let’s try a variation.  “If my relationship is really bad, should I try to break up?”.  Skiing variation, “if my skiing is really bad, should I try to break a leg?”

Of course no one trys to break a leg.  It hurts too darn much and takes a long time to recover.  Breaking up has the same effects.  Just like skiing, we need to work on improving our skills.  As our skills increase so does the quality of our relationship.  It is our progress that encourages to keep going.  But, sometimes people do break a leg.  And sometimes people do break up.

The beginning skiier is most likely to break a leg because they become focused on what not to do.  Beginning skiers try not to fall down.  Although it makes logical sense, focusing on trying not to fall down actually makes it more likely they will fall.  Working with a ski instructor, people learn to focus on positive goals such as “keep your knees bent,” “keep your back straight,” and “look to where you want to ski to.”

By focusing on these good skiing techniques, they are less likely to fall, most likely to improve and to have fun in the process.  Trying not to fall all the time makes skiing a battle.  Trying not to fight in a relationship can have the same effect.  The relationship becomes more difficult, less fun, and break up becomes more likely.  Trying not to fail is not the same thing as trying to succeed.  And trying to break up is just like trying to fail.  Who needs that?  If it happens, it happens.

More legs are broken on the beginner’s trail than on the expert’s trail by those struggling not to fall.  Those on the expert’s trail are focused on good technique and having fun.  Wouldn’t you like your relationship to be that way?