The “intimacy bubble”
Becoming intimate really means becoming close. To some people it means being sexual. But it is quite possible to be sexual without being intimate. To some people intimacy means talking and sharing things that are important to you. But that can also be done without being intimate. What is it that can make these things “intimate”?
Intimacy in terms of human relationships refers to you and your partner being separated from the rest of the world, but not from each other. It is as though the two of you are inside of a love bubble. Being inside this bubble makes relationships special.
How can one get inside of this “love bubble”? This happens when two people open up a part of themselves that is normally not shared with others and which makes one vulnerable to being hurt. It is risky, and particularly scary for people who have a history of being hurt when they have made themselves vulnerable. But, when our partner also responds with tenderness and vulnerability, then there is a joining.
Tenderness, sharing, and vulnerability trigger intimacy. No matter how much you work on communication skills and sexual skills, you will not get to intimacy until you learn to set aside your fears and risk being open with your partner.
Identifying your fears and working on them is a great way to work on having more intimacy. Remember, it is fear stops you from having what you really want. Work on a small fear with your relationship coach to test it out for yourself.
Posted: November 25th, 2008 under Improving Relationships, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Issues.
Tags: fear, intimacy