Why does my partner sabotage the relationship?
Everything that happens, happens for a reason. We give people far too much credit, though, in understanding the reason why they do something. Most of what people do is the result of habit, learned behaviors from our families of origin, rules that we internalized from our cultures, unconscious biological and emotional needs, as well as conscious decisions.
Considering all the forces at work in our brains, it is a wonder that we have any control over our behavior at all. If you think that’s not true—that you have complete freedom to choose your behaviors, then can you explain why you continue to do the same unhelpful things over and over again? Or why it is so hard to adopt just a few good habits?
Even if you figure out why your partner is sabotaging the relationship, it is not likely to do you much good. Contrary to popular belief, understanding the reason for a behavior does little to change it. Much more important is learning what you can do when your partner sabotages the relationship. That will give you options which will allow you to change the situation. That is much easier than trying to get your partner to change, admit to what they are doing, or understand their behavior.
Posted: September 30th, 2008 under Improving Relationships, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Conflict, Relationship Issues.
Tags: change, control, sabotage