Relationship Coach Blog

Let’s face it, there is no way to guard someone else’s mind. If your partner is thinking of doing something that will be harmful to your relationship, you don’t have any control over it.  Even if you found out about it, you still have no power to take control of his or her thinking.  The most effective place to put your focus is on your own thoughts and behaviors.

When you are at your best, you become a very valuable partner. Your partner may choose to leave you or do something to mess up the relationship, but when you are at your best, he or she is risking losing a very good thing.  At your best, you become very hard to replace.

When you are moody and unpredictable, you become a threat to the security of your partner.  Although the best move for your partner would not be to leave you, but to get help with the relationship, many people choose not to do that.  Even if your partner does nothing, he or she may emotionally pull away from you.  This puts him or her at a much greater risk for succumbing to the temptation of an affair.  Or, your partner may just decide to leave one day.  It is a common occurrence.

Will being your best ensure a good relationship?  Of course not. But being your worst will ensure that you do not have a good relationship.

Start by asking yourself, “If I were my partner, what things about me would attract me to the relationship, and which things would tend to repel me?”  “What makes me a better catch than someone else?”

Of course, instead of doing all this, you can just come up with reasons to not do anything.  You can blame your partner for various things, tell yourself that any changes you make won’t make any difference, or simply proclaim that others should love you for the way you are.  All of these thoughts are ways of avoiding personal responsibility (i.e., avoidance).

Sometimes the truth comes like a slap in the face. But, if that helps you to wake up and make choices that make your life better, it will be well worth the sting.  Get real, get working, and get the help you need to get what you want in life.  Otherwise, you won’t get it.