Loving your wife is not enough if she doesn’t feel it. Fortunately, you have a lot of control over that.
If you love her so much, why is she loving you less?
When women start to lose their feelings of love for a man, they reason that it must be something about the man. They compare the way you are now to the way you used to be, back when those feelings of love were strongest. It used to be pillow talk for hours, frequent sexual encounters, listening about all those little things in her day. And now, it is no pillow talk, sex a couple of times a week and an expression of “get to the point” on your face when she tells you about something.
Never make your partner have to guess whether you love her
Many women have to wait until Valentines’ Day or her birthday to hear “I love you,” or more likely just see it as part of the prewritten message on the card. So, you can see that it would make sense to your wife that the change in her feelings is because you have changed your behavior toward her. And, then she thinks, if you have changed your behavior that way, you must not love her as much as you used to.
When your love doesn’t count
See where this is going? Kind of an emotional spiraling out of control with you left holding the blame. So, when you take her out to dinner, give her compliments or work your butt off to support her, she sees these as obligation behaviors because obviously you don’t love her as much as you used to (she thinks). It’s enough to drive you crazy! Depending on how you react to this kind of finger pointing or depression in your wife, things will either get worse or better.
The bottom of the spiral can be the end of your marriage
Men who don’t know how to deal with this rapidly declining situation sometimes get help from me early on, but most wait until their wife or girlfriend says that she no longer loves them anymore and couldn’t possibly in the future and oh by the way, she is divorcing/breaking up with you. By that time, the couple seriously need help, but only the man is willing to work with me because his wife/girlfriend sees it as useless.
Love can be rebuilt
Fortunately love can be rebuilt even at that point and it’s my special skill to be able to help people with this. But the more effective thing is to learn to show love on a regular basis in a way which makes your wife or girlfriend “feel” loved. Because no matter how much you may actually love her, if she doesn’t feel it, it’s not going to count. Fair or not, that’s how women are. So, unless you would rather trade her in for a man, it’s a reality you need to deal with.
Turning things around
If you are not yet at that breaking point (and I hope you aren’t), then you can really start to turn things around in your marriage. The very best way to do that can be summed up in one word, “attitude.” You know that your work and efforts on your wife’s behalf are an expression of your love, but she needs to feel that and not simply be able to reason it out from your behaviors. In most cases, you won’t need to work any harder, but you will need to change your attitude.
You don’t need to build a deck or buy a diamond necklace…just make a little attitude change
We change our attitude when we show enthusiasm on our face, in our touch, and in our voice. Remember those three things—face, touch, and voice. There is a big difference between looking at someone and looking at them with love. Determine to show in your face the love you feel in your heart. What will happen is your eye contact will be deeper and brighter, and your facial expression will be softer and lighter. With your touches, you can do the same thing—determine to let your wife/girlfriend feel your love in your touch.
The parts of your body that she likes the best are your ears
Use a gentle voice and listen without solving problems. Just listen. If she asks for help, then solve her problems. Most of the time, women just want you to listen and care. Focus on the listening and caring rather than problem solving. Forget questioning all the “facts.” If you aren’t problem solving, you don’t need all the facts. Just listen. Even if she is angry with you, just listen. Don’t feel like you have to change, point out the real problem, or fix anything. For many men, just making this one change of listening can boost their wife’s love for them.
Don’t despair–it won’t help
Don’t despair if it has gone beyond this for you. If you really love her, there are still things we can do. If she is saying really tough things, you may want to start to learn how with this free ebook written especially for husbands.
Other articles you may be interested in: