Wife Not Attracted to You Anymore? Here are Eight Ways to Rebuild Her Attraction and Desire for You

Women can lose their attraction to their husbands for many reasons. You can stimulate her attraction again.


key to her heartWomen want to be attracted to their husbands

Men want to look at their wives and think that they’re hot.  They want that feeling like they can’t wait to get home at night to be with their wife.  And men know that there are things that women can do to make them feel that way, regardless of how they compare to the magazine covers.  But, men all too often don’t consider the other side of the coin.  Women also want to desire their husbands. And it has nothing to do with looking like the man on the cover of GQ. This article will help if you are still together. If she has already separated, you will want to see my article on how to reconcile with a separated wife.

Loving includes doing those things that create desire in your wife.

You know it’s true the first time a woman meets you–if she doesn’t have any desire for you, she won’t give you the time of day.  Your wife is not so different from the woman that you first met.  Except that now, she doesn’t want to hurt you by telling you how she’s not attracted to you anymore, or not so much, because she knows how much more that will complicate things (for her).

But, you can make it so she doesn’t have to fake it.

Your wife really can long to be with you.  And she really can still think that she got the best fish in the sea.  Giving her this feeling is the best gift you can give to her.  As her partner, you won’t be giving this in order to get something from her, because that will change your focus.  But, giving gifts of love will bring you rewards nonetheless.

Here are eight ways to attract your wife and increase her desire for you:

Attraction via Interest

1.  Spend time with her where she is the focus of your attention.  Not the TV, not a movie.  Remove the invisible newspaper that is between you when you are together.  Make her feel like the only reason you are in the room is because you want to be with her.  Ask her about things that she likes to talk about.  Notice her eyes, her hair.  Touch her like it’s the first time you ever did.  Don’t let the fact that you can’t do this everyday stop you from doing it sometimes.

Attraction via Personality

2.  Be consistently positive around her.  This doesn’t mean you need to be happy all the time or someone you’re not.  It means looking for the good, especially in her.  When you notice things you don’t like about the world, write it down if you have to, but don’t tell her about it.  She has enough negative things to deal with already.  You giving her more negativity won’t make you any more appealing.  Put it in the same category as farting. (More help on being positive).

Attraction via Socialization

3.  Be nice to other people.  Treat other people well and your perceived value will go up.  You will be more of a prize.  Your partner will be perceived by other women  as having a prize (just as you might with a new Mercedes).  Wives who are envied by other wives feel more special.  You want to be admired by other women.  It makes you feel like an attractive man.  She also wants to be admired by other women.  The diamond ring on her finger and your behavior to others are both things she shows off to get that admiration.

Attraction via Attention

4.  Listen to her.  Impress her with your ability to listen rather than your ability to talk.  When you listen, don’t listen to figure things out or solve problems.  Just listen and show you are listening (by focusing on her).  Instead of giving advice, just say, “Tell me more about it.”  Don’t give advice to her unless she asks for it.  You will become much more attractive–regardless of how great your advice might have been. (More help with communication).

Attraction via Uniqueness

5.  Notice little things about her that others don’t.  If you notice little things (positive things), it means she is important to you.  It means you are paying attention to her.  Just telling your wife she is attractive isn’t enough to attract her to you.  If you notice specific things about her that are attractive (that most people wouldn’t pick up on), then you are making her feel special and attractive.  Contrast:  “You are a beauty,” with “The little flecks of blue in your eyes are beautiful like the sky.” The more special you make her feel, the more attracted she will be to you.

Attraction via Care

6.  Really care about her needs.  Faking caring will not help in a long term relationship.  How can you make yourself care more?  By asking yourself (not your wife) what you can do to help her enjoy her life more, and then doing it.  By taking the “have to’s” out of your thinking and replacing them with “want to’s.”  “I want to go to work so my wife can get the things she wants.”  A woman knows when you are doing something because you “have to” and when you are doing it for her.  If this sounds too subservient for you, just think how you are doing it for the both of you.  And don’t try to get credit for what you do.

Attraction via Desire

7.  Have something of value you want to give her.  Those words, “want to” are key here.  Many men give things to to their wives because they believe they have to or because it is their responsibility.  Beyond those things, what do you want to give to her?  For some people, it may be sharing their dreams.  For others, it may be a rose bush in the back yard.  But, there needs to be something that you want to give to her.  If you really love her, then you want to give her great things, right?  If not, then…  That will be in her mind, too.

Attraction via Security

8.  Take care of yourself.  Neediness is unattractive to any woman who doesn’t want to be your mother.  Your ability to take care of yourself  will be  received consciously by a woman as you not needing her.  But, it is received subconsciously by a woman as your being able to take care of her.  (This is why unneedy jerks often score, while needy nice guys don’t). Since our subconscious rules our lives and is the seat of our emotions, you will be more attractive to her the less needy you are.  When she does things for you, appreciate it, but don’t need it.

You may see the common thread that ties all of these together—making her feel important.

Yes, you can catch a woman’s attention by being a man of importance (money, power, fame), but you keep a woman by making her feel important.

You may have missed the other thread that ties these together–

That is that what you do, determines how attractive you are.  To all women, everywhere, but especially to your wife.  Trying to become powerful in order to attract women is a losing game since power doesn’t keep women.  But, when you learn to attract women (like your partner), you  gain a power that you cannot lose.

What if you are doing these things already, and the attraction is not there?

If you are having difficulty attracting your wife, even though you are doing the things in this article, there is another issue. That issue is blocking her attraction to you. It could come from her past, it could come from something that has happened in your marriage, or it could be something that is still going on. You will need to deal with this issue or help her to because her lack of attraction to you may lead to the end of your marriage. I work with many men whose wives have already separated from them. We use some effective methods for reconnecting and re-attracting. It will easier for you though, if you don’t wait for things to get to that point.

How to prevent your wife from separating or divorcing you

Marriage coaching for reconnecting and rebuilding

FREE eBook from Coach Jack

How to Talk to Your Wife

Restoring Loving Communication in a Damaged Relationship

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